Ways to annoy the twilight charaters
by emmettandembrylovers
Summary: Wanna know how to annoy the Cullens! Wanna know how to make Jacob and the wolves PHASE? Rated T just in case! Check it out!
1. Chapter 1

**This is something that we have kinda made up and got from our friends!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. :(**

**If they are the same as yours then im so sorry!!!**

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**1: Call him Eddy all the time.**

**2: Give Yourself a paper cut, then put it in your mouth and say, "Mm, delicious! Want some?"**

**3: Say, "You don't look _that _scary!"**

**4: Use vampire expressions like, "Holy Dracula!" and "Goodbye Sweet Transylvania."**

**5: Visualize yourself naked.  
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**6: Ask him to help you do something impossible (ex: Save the world.) When he says he can't, say, "I'm sure Jacob could help me."  
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**7: Drive REALLY slow.  
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**8: Volunteer him for a blood drive.  
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**9: Hold up a bottle of ketchup and say, "Look! Blood! OOOOOOHH!"  
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**10: Hang up posters that say, "I support Jacob Black" and "Jacob Black for President" all over his room.  
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**11: Throw him to the crazy fan girl mobs.  
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**12: Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he gets mad, say, "Wow! A little overprotective aren't we? I'm sure Jacob wouldn't mind."  
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**13: Say, "HEY! Aren't you that guy from Harry Potter?!"  
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**14: Tell him that Emmett is a cooler vampire than him. **(A/N: I totally 100 percent agree with that!)**  
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**15: Tell him that Jane has the cooler vampire power. Mention that it's significantly better than mind reading.  
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**16: Continually suggest that he'd be better of eating Bella, rather than dating her.  
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**17: Mention that he isn't even a real vampire.  
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**18: When flying on an airplane, say, "If this plane crashes on an island, we'll eat Bella first."  
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**19: Suggest that his life is too stressful. Recommend aromatherapy.  
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**20: When he announces his wedding, say, "Why? Is Bella pregnant?"  
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**21: Leave bloody, dead animals around him. Insist that you're helping with his aromatherapy.  
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**22: Invite Jacob's whole family to the wedding. When he gets mad say, "I was just trying to help."  
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**23: Invite the Volturi to the wedding.  
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**24: Make a list of the ways werewolves are better than vampires. Show it to him. Act offended when he gets mad.  
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**25: Tell him he's too closed minded; that he needs to welcome people of all cultures into his life.  
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**26: Talk in Ebonics.  
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**27: Tell him to "Bear in mind, other people's thoughts."  
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**28: Kidnap Bella. When he asks where she is, say, "Don't worry about it."  
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**29: When he threatens to kill you say, "Now now, aren't we being a little hasty?"  
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**30: When he really IS going to kill you, blame it on Alice. Say she took her to LA to go shopping.  
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**31: Poke him.  
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**32: When he talks about how painful his transformation was say, "Oh yeah, your life is sooo hard."  
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**33: When he talks about how much he loves Bella say, "Aren't you a little young to know what love is?"  
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**34: Make Bella wear a 'Team Jacob' shirt.  
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**35: Suggest that he and Bella take some time off to 'see other people.' Then, recommend Jessica Stanley for him.  
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**36: Mail him a llama. When he asks why, say, "Why not?"  
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**37: When he's listening, tell Bella she deserves someone better.  
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**38: Invite him to go to the beach with you.  
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**39: Read the back of the Twilight books to him. Bonus points for using a dramatic announcer voice.  
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**40: Blame him for all of Bella's past injuries.  
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**41: Constantly hint at how good Bella smells.  
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**42: Visualize his house in 20 years: SUV, Surburban House, and 12 kids.  
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**43: Laugh when Bella trips. Loudly.  
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**44: Shine a bright light in his face and say, "Darnit, you didn't go all sparkly."  
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**45: Buy a copy of Breaking Dawn on the black market. Tell him he dies at the end.  
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**46: Ask him where he buys his body glitter.  
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**47: Suggest self-tanner.  
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**48: When Bella says how much she loves him, think: "Then why was she making out with Jacob down at La Push yesterday?"  
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**49: When he gets mad, say innocently, "I didn't say anything."  
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**50: Point out the circles under his eyes. Tell him to get more sleep.**

**51: Offer to lend him your concealer.  
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**52: Withdraw the offer. Tell him he's too pale for that shade.  
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**53: Suggest that a week in the tropics would do him good.  
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**54: Tell him that we're getting tired of his 'scary' act.  
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**55: Re-decorate his room in a 'Care Bear' theme.  
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**56: Tell him that it will help him be happy.  
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**57: Buy him a wolf plushie.  
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**58: Turn his piano into a craps table.  
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**59: Suggest that he try harder to make new friends.  
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**60: Tell him he should hang out with Mike Newton more often.  
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**61: Put pretty bows in his hair while he's distracted. **(A/N: Preferably, I'd distract him using number 5 x])**  
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**62: Tell him that pretending to sleep would make him sympathize with humans more.  
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**63: Cook delicious-looking meals. When he won't eat them, get offended. Then say, "I put my sweat and blood into that meal!"  
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**64: Suggest the same stupid plan over and over. When he gets mad say, "Who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning..oh."  
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**65: Tell him he could up his cool if he went out for football. Or track.  
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**66: Wear tinfoil on your head. When he asks why, say that people are always trying to read your mind.  
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**67: Give yourself a paper cut in front of Jasper.  
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**68: When he attacks, say, "Bad Dog! Down!"  
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**69: Suggest they keep Jasper in the backyard. "If he can't be civilized, well..."  
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**70: Push Bella in front of a bus.  
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**71: Pour ketchup on Bella.  
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**72: Ask him to sign your copy of New Moon.  
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**73: Wonder loudly to yourself what The Souls are going to do to the Cullens once they've invaded.  
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**74: Plant daises in his house.  
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**75: Break all of his CDs.  
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**76: ****Take Bella shopping. Accidentally leave her at the mall.**

**77: Crash his wedding.  
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**78: When he plans his wedding say, "Who's going to come? You know, like, four people!"  
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**79: Whenever he comes into the room, start mentally singing the "Gilligan's Island' theme song.  
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**80: When he tells you to stop, say, "Stop what?"  
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**81: Take all of his CDs. Replace them with songs from the Disney movies.  
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**82: Tell him that he and Bella should go on more 'Real Dates'.  
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**83: Ask him if he's having a vampire attack Bella every Spring Break. Tell him you know someone who'd be willing to help.  
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**84: Make a list of the reasons why Bella should leave him. Make sure one of them says, "Jacob. Enough Said."  
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**85: Roll in glitter. Run around screaming, "Look at me! I'm Edward! I'm Edward!"  
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**86: Write him love poems. Sign them from Jacob.  
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**87: Tell him it's perfectly acceptable to be an 'alternative couple' with Jacob.  
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**88: Diagram a love Triangle. Edward -Bella-Jacob  
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**89: When he plans his wedding, casually say, "You know, the leading cause of divorce is marrying too young."  
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**90: Suggest that the Cullens have more 'family meetings.' Make a point not to invite Bella.  
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**91: Tell Bella her cooking skills would be wasted if she married him.  
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**92: Ask him if he'll still love Bella once she's a vampire and no longer clumsy.  
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**93: Give him your divorce attorney's card. Tell him it's "Just in case."  
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**94: Skip around the house chanting, "Bella and Edward sitting in a tree."  
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**95: Diagnose him randomly. Say, "You look very pale; have you been eating enough red meat?" and ask Carlisle to back you up.  
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**96: Invite small children to his house for 'Scary Story Time.'  
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**97: Paint his room pink.  
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**98: Ask if you're going to be in the party repeatedly and frequently.  
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**99: Wonder what to get him for his wedding. "A mattress topper? No, that won't work. A Blender? No...Oh! A trip to Hawaii!"  
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**100: Wave wooden crosses and strings of garlic at him randomly. When he asks what you're doing say, "I know I've read this before.."  
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**101: Run over his Volvo with Bella's truck. When he gets mad say, "Ah, don't get mad! I'm sure Jacob can fix it!"**

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	2. Chapter 2

This is jacib for all of u thanks!

Disclaimer: we still own nothing. :( but we got something that are really funny!!

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1. Call him a mutt.

2. Say that you imprinted on his butt.

3. Give him a wedgie.

4. Scratch his car.

5. Tell him that he's 108 degrees of pure stupid.

6. Say, "Edward will beat you _anyday_!"

7. Ask him if he can read the minds of his fleas, also.

8. Ask him if he's really as hairy as a wolf. I mean, he could always wax…

9. Bump into him and scream, "IT BURNS!"

10. Tell him that cliff-diving is for wussies. Vampire baseball is the new rage in Forks.

11. If he stabs his hand by accident (and heals in a millisecond) scoff loudly and say, "Psh. I can heal a _concussion_ faster than that."

12. Punch him in the face without breaking you hand.

13. Trip him.

14. Tell him he's a child-molester. And so is Quil.

15. When he transforms, shake your body spastically at his side.

16. Call him a mongrel.

17. When he turns into a wolf, say, "Aww, it's a puppy!"

18. Ask him if he needs any help holding his pants while he's a wolf. Then lighten the burden a little by throwing them off a cliff.

19. Give him a _detailed_ description of all Edward and Bella's intimate moments. When you're done, add the icing to the cake by saying, "Phew. Is it getting hot in here, or what? Probably just you and your werewolf body heat. And stench."

20. Take his car out for a "ride". Then, with Edward's help (I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige), throw it off a cliff.


End file.
